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Stop planting flowers in gardens of people who won’t water them

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We all plant flowers in other people’s Gardens. We do this to nurture our relationships, to create meaningful links with people we believe are worthwhile. However, sometimes we err in the gardens we choose to deposit our seeds of dedication, affection, time and energy.

We are wrong because our actions are not recognized, because some people get used to being fed but forget that a relationship is an exchange, it is reciprocity and it is, above all, the reflection of an emotional maturity where both members win and no one loses.

It is not always easy to build strong and enriching ties with those around us. There are those who fail us, there are those who neglect us, and there are those who sometimes deliberately set us aside.

However, there is one aspect we cannot forget: worrying about others and always trying to give the best of ourselves is not bad. On the contrary, it reflects our nobility.

However, it is essential that we never neglect the flower of our garden: our self-esteem. We propose that you reflect on it.

How do you know what people deserve?

There is No magic formula that allows us to know at First Sight who will not fail us, who will be whole and who will always give us that closeness in which to find support to grow as a person.

Relationships, whether as a couple or as a friend, are consolidated over time. After going through those moments when the bond is tested. That is when, almost unintentionally, we discover which people are worth and which are not.

However, it is never too much to attend to a series of dimensions that already give us some clues that can help us.

Emotional coherence refers to that psychological balance with which we guarantee others that we will always act and react in the same way.

  • We’ve all met people with that erratic behavior that makes us so uncomfortable. There are days when they are friendly and accessible and times when they react with a certain coldness and hostility.
  • We must be very cautious and intuitive when it comes to establishing relationships of friendship or partnership with people who are not emotionally coherent, profiles that show sudden ups and downs, days when they seem to need us a lot and days when they don’t take us into account.

Commitment

The commitment is established through a constant interest, that attention that is not lost or broken and a bond that is maintained in time in a meaningful way.

This dimension can be reflected in many ways:

  • When we need help or support and we have those special people who are worth it.
  • The commitment is also expressed by being able to project a common future, establishing plans. In turn, those goals must be held together.
  • The moment it is just us who work for those dreams or goals, the commitment is not authentic.

Meeting basic needs

We all have basic needs. Recognizing it is essential, because otherwise we will make the usual mistake. The mistake of investing in others forgetting that we too deserve and need care, attention and recognition.

Ability to repair, fix and forgive

We all make mistakes. That is why we all deserve the forgiveness of the people we care about in order to be better, to build stronger relationships.

  • However, there are those who tend to maintain a rigid attitude. Those who assume this “all or nothing” attitude with which to respond with a certain harshness, where doubts, weaknesses or small mistakes are not admitted.
  • In turn, there are also people who do not know how to reach agreements, who are incapable of dialogue.

They do not know how to have a conversation with which to clear up ideas, doubts and errors, so that they can reach the solution to all the problems that we usually encounter in the day.

This type of personality where someone is not able to re-build, re-enable, re-know the mistake or put in adequate means to repair what happened is, without a doubt, a problematic profile that will bring us more unhappiness than well-being.

In conclusion, if you reflect on these dimensions, you will understand that there are always little clues about those people who are worth investing in and planting seeds, illusions and hopes. Instead, there are gardens that it is better not to travel.

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